Levers are Dangerous Things
by VampirateLycan
Summary: Harry, Ron and Hermione find a lever in a strange room at Hogwarts. What it does they have no idea. The rest of the school does though. Slight parady. Very slight.


**A/N: OK, I got this idea while helping to decorate the living room at 12 at night, which could explain the randomness. I own nothing; HP belongs to JKR and Stranger than Fiction is a movie I don't own. **

**Bold is singing.  
**_Italics are Narration. _

Levers are Dangerous Things

Harry, Hermione and Ron ran. They were trying to get as far away from Snapes' office as possible, Harry had let a dungbomb fly but unfortunately it had gotten wedged up Snapes' nose, then it had gone off. So, now they were running. Fleeing around the corner they almost ran into Professor McGonagall, ignoring her cries to stop they kept fleeing. Entering the seventh corridor they ran back and forth in front of a patch of wall several times and when a door appeared they threw themselves through it.

Panting they leant against the wall and attempted to catch their breath. It took ten minutes for them to finally notice their surroundings. They were in a sparsely decorated stone room, which could have almost have passed for a basement if they weren't on the seventh floor. The most peculiar thing about this room though wasn't the window showing a pitch-black sky at 11 in the morning, or the curtains that fluttered with no breeze. It was the seemingly harmless lever sitting in the middle of the room. Even weirder was the sign hanging of the lever that read 'Do Not Touch'.

Now of course we know, when a teenager sees a sign that says 'Do Not Touch', they are bound to touch it. So Ron strolled right up to the lever and gave it a yank. Harry and Hermione winced and…nothing happened!

* * *

Meanwhile in the corridors of Hogwarts weird things were starting to happen, not the every day weird things like students sprouting wings or the suits of armour throwing tea parties, but really weird things. Snape was passing by Professor McGonagall who was still fuming about Harry and the others when he was suddenly struck by a feeling he had never experienced before. Straightening his immensely black robes he approached her carefully.

Clearing his throat he said "My dear Minerva I must say you are looking radiant today"

McGonagall, although stunned, appeared pleased at the comment, until she turned around and saw who it was that had uttered it. Her face paled when she saw the love struck look in Snapes eyes, and she fled. Snape chased after her yelling "Minnie come back, I love you!"

Similar situations were happening all around Hogwarts with students finding themselves enraptured by those around them, in some cases the feelings were even returned. This was all going on unnoticed by Harry, Hermione and Ron however.

* * *

Back with the lever Harry and Hermione stared at it wonderingly.

"So, what did it do?" asked Ron

"I don't know" Harry replied "Maybe nothing"

"Oh don't be ridiculous," said Hermione prissily "Why would someone put a lever here if it didn't do anything? Let me have a go"

So Hermione strolled over to the lever and gave it a tug.

* * *

Outside the weather changed, thunder rolled as lightning flashed across the sky. Black clouds rolled in blocking out the sun, and the sunny day it was moments before, turned to midnight in a matter of seconds.

Madame Pomfrey was hard at work in the now pitch-black infirmary lightning candles to combat the sudden darkness when a cry made the hairs on the back of her neck stand in end. Sighing she realised it was only Colin, moaning because of his stomachache again.

"Yes Colin dear?" She enquired kindly, for she was that kind of person.

"My mouth hurts" he moaned "It feels like my teeth are growing"

"Don't worry dear" She replied "Just a side effect of the medication" Though one she had never heard of before she added to herself.

With the infirmary lit once again she busied herself by tidying up the beds when another moan wafted over from Colins bed.

"What now?" She asked

"I'm starving" was Colins reply.

Madame Pomfrey smiled to herself, if he was that hungry he must have been feeling a little better she thought. How wrong she was. As Madame Pomfrey approached with the tray Colin sat bolt upright. She gasped when she saw him. He was a pale as chalk dust, and his incisors where resting on his bottom lip. If she hadn't of known better she would have thought he was a vampire, but that was ridiculous.

As she got closer Colin edged out of the bed and started to walk towards the now terrified nurse. She realised that he wasn't looking at the tray, but her neck. When he began to get even closer Madame Pomfrey screamed and threw the tray at him, he just brushed it off as if it didn't even hurt and kept advancing.

Madame Pomfrey was now petrified; she felt the wall against her back and knew that only a miracle would save her now, why was this happening? How? Colin was about to bite and…

* * *

"Well, obviously that didn't do anything either did it" said Harry

Hermione shrugged as Ron made silly faces behind her back

Harry gave the lever a pull.

"Let's see if that does anything"

* * *

_Neville Longbottom was an ordinary boy._

Neville looked around in astonishment; that was new. Sighing he grabbed his toothbrush and began to brush his teeth.

_Neville wasn't of particularly high intellect, he didn't have many friends, but one he could always rely on was his toothbrush, Brushy._

Ok, now that creeped Neville out, no one knew about Brushy.

_One day Neville's life took a turn for the worst._

'You could say that' Neville pondered wondering where the hell this voice was coming from. He started to shake his head to see if he could shake it out of his ears.

_First he hit his head on the bathroom cabinet._

'I did not' thought Neville 'I haven't even…' Bash! OK, he conceded, maybe he did hit his head. He walked downstairs to the common room and walked over to Dean and Ginny.

_Then his friends all thought he was mad._

'I'll show that voice' He thought

"Guys" he said. They turned around "There is this weird woman's voice following me around, almost narrating my life, it's driving me barmy"

Dean and Ginny looked at each other then stood up and walked away throwing concerned glances over their shoulders.

Nevilles day just got worse from there, that was until…

* * *

"Well obviously that didn't do anything either" Ron stated walking over and giving the lever a fourth tug "I say that we leave it at that"

The other two looked at each other and shrugged.

"OK" said Harry "I mean, it's not like it's causing any harm, Hermione?"

"Yeah, I don't see why not, I mean it didn't do anything, did it?"

They all shook their heads, peered around the door and, seeing that Snape was no longer out to get them, carried on their merry way, a slight bounce in their step. They didn't see Crabbe and Goyle coming along the corridor behind them however. They could hear them though.

**We bish  
We bash  
Malfoy gives us loads of cash  
****We're the heavies!**

What had they done?

The End!  
Or is it?

**A/N2: Ok, I hope you enjoyed that, I had fun writing it. Please don't forget to review and no flames please. It was all in fun! And really, it is the end. hehe**


End file.
